Well it’s official and real. I have a cancerous tumor in my liver.

For many, many days now I’ve been living in a very stupid bubble thinking that somehow, someway these MRI’s; tests and doctors are stoned. Was I thinking they ate bad lettuce? Maybe. Was I thinking they messed up my tests with someone named Taren Onohoe? Maybe. I guess I just couldn’t believe the impossible, that I would have ‘the cancer’ (read it like a whisper).

But turns out I do. I have a tumor that is growing and needs to get the F outta my liver.

So I met my Liver Oncologist Surgeon today. She is so freaking amazing – I cannot even believe I’m lucky enough to have landed her. Her resident – also amazing. Her medical staff, nurses and everyone I encountered at the Kellogg Cancer Center – AMAZING. How does someone tell you that you have cancer and they have to take out a portion of your liver and you still come out of there feeling like you got to meet the smartest coolest people in the world? I’m ridiculously fan girling over the people who I hope will save my life.

Easy quick news:

1. Surgery is scheduled for August 6th. They need to remove the tumor completely along with a wide area around it for the ‘margin’. Interesting fact, the liver is the only organ in your body that regenerates itself. So of course, I asked my team if that’s the case – I am going to hope that when it comes back, it brings with it superpowers. Not exactly sure WHICH power I want – but my mind is already thinking.
2. Prior to surgery – I must be on a liquid only protein diet (beginning tomorrow) – so basically Ensure 4 times a day along with a MINIMUM of 64oz of water per day. I could possibly have certain raw vegetables (limited) but NOTHING ELSE. Oh, I can have 8 oz of coffee black or 8 oz of plain tea – but that is just torture. I’ll go without. Post surgery I will be on a Mediterranean diet for the rest of my life, will not be able to have alcohol (goodbye Cooperhawk’s monthly subscription) and per doctors orders – should have at least 6 dogs and 4 cats. (Just seeing if you’re paying attention!). Also, pray for Tim. Me without food for 2 full weeks, whilst swallowing Ensure? It’s going to be madness here.
3. Prior to surgery #02 – I need to get clearance from a Cardiologist (have to make sure my heart can handle this) so shout out to M from Docs office for arranging. I also STILL have to have the MR-E on the 30th as that will give them the baseline needed for my overall Liver Health. It will NOT change the surgical course of action – that is set in stone. Surgery is the only way to prevent it from spreading at the moment.
4. It goes without saying that seeing as it’s my last night to eat a meal that GOT me to this place – I should have something ultra yummy. So yes, I did order a Lou’s Butter crust with spinach, sausage, onion and pepperoni. There is a 1% chance I could die on the table and I’m not going out without having 1 last bite of the good stuff. I only get one of these once a year anyway (I leave it for the tourists) but I really felt that it would be a good last hurrah. I thought about Wildfire potatoes – but Jane’s are actually better and it was too soon to request she make a vat of them.

In my family, we always have had Faith, Hope and Love. It’s been our family motto forever. but we do have a fourth – humor. I grew up where a smile, a positive attitude and giggles were what made each day livable. I need to REALLY do that now.

I’m very, very scared, but I’m also very hopeful and optimistic. They caught this early and I have an INCREDIBLE medical team (both Tim and I were amazed at her confidence level and well, her everything.)

I also believe in my higher power, I believe in Science and more than anything, I believe in myself. So Lou’s for dinner aside, I will follow every bit of direction they tell me. I will follow every guideline they put in place. I will put my trust in those doctors because I know they will do everything imaginable to save me.

I will never be a 100% cured, but I’ll be better and I will continue to live my life, annoy Tim for as long as I can and take care of him, our pack, my family, friends and my job. In 2010 when my Uncle Al was battling his illness – he said to me, I’m not ready to put the bat down. That was code for I won’t give up and I’ll try and hit the damn ball as far as I can.

UA, neither am I.

Besides, I’ve got incredible littles that need Grantee Karen to cry at graduations and weddings and embarrass them. I can’t let them down.