August 10, 2026 | updated as it was posted Aug 21

On Thursday the 8th Larry was cut completely out of my liver.

I was finally released from the hospital 3 days later after some minor complications with low blood pressure.

Dr. G did her job. Her ENTIRE team did their job and now Larry has been shipped to the Mayo clinic to be dissected and treated like the arsehole he was. We hope to have final pathology by the first week in September.

First and foremost, my heartfelt appreciation to my surgical team as well as the ENTIRE staff at Evanston Hospital. The level of care, skill and devotion to their patients is truly remarkable. I was overwhelmed with every person I came in contact with and could never repay their kindness.

As a note, never in my life have people wanted me to burp and fart as much as them – which was quite refreshing!! Hee haw – I’m actually not kidding. It was paramount that I burp and fart before releasing me. Apparently – they filled me with gas during the surgery (who knew I needed more!) and I had to get it all out. Sorry mom (and Aunt June) who were always DISGUSTED if a Lady dared to ‘pass wind’.

My incisions aren’t pretty and therefore, I’ll never be able to resume my bikini modeling career (HA – as if!) and I have 4 baby ones and 1 long one (where Larry came out!). They all appear to be healing as they should, but I’ll say, they are quite weird. The robots were well managed by Dr. G and didn’t go rogue, and I truly only have 1 complaint.

When I was wheeled into surgery, the cutie patootie Christian was my lead guy. I know I SPECIFICALLY told him (prior to the Spinal Block) that they were to be my champion and insist that whilst Dr. G was in there – to cut out the 2nd roll of my rather large tummy and ‘tuck’ it or whatever. Liposuction, extraction, whatever – just take 30 lbs of fat and skin and give me back my 16-year-old belly. Listen, I know I was high, stoned outta my core – but I CLEARLY remember them hearing me say this. They even laughed. But alas, my roll was there when I woke up.

The past 2 weeks since the surgery have been good. There has been pain, but not too overwhelming and after 1 week in – I stopped the tiny bit of Oxy I was on. I’m slowly starting to eat again but that’s been a bit slow. At the same time, I’m also eliminating ANY processed foods and with the state of America’s food contamination (thanks to the Vile Scrote’s idea of HHS being a tapeworm roadkill ridiculous POS) – fresh vegetables are kinda hard to locate. But I’m managing.

Small bites and meals, Ensure drinks and lots and lots of fluids are keeping me going.

I saw the Cardiologist today (21st) and just have 1 more follow up test (an Echo) simply for my new baseline at 57.

I see Dr. G for one last time early in September and then I have to let her go on to other patients. That makes me the saddest of all, because I truly am in awe of her. As an old chick, when you meet a young woman, that is so incredibly brilliant, personable and just lovely, you want to keep them in your life. You want to follow their path and see how they blaze the trails in front of them. I’ve been so fortunate to have gotten a little bit of her and I’m sure that I’ll stalk her (politely and not weirdly in ANY WAY) through medical articles, etc. so that I can see her accomplishments. She deserves every award known to medicine because she is truly just incredible. As is her WHOLE team.

Emma, one of my favorite nurses of all time – if you’re reading this – know that I’m bringing cookies up to your floor because you are truly the epitome of loving nurse.

J, my schmelly bestest favorite person in the whole wide world & Universe and R (2 b’s) my other funny lovely bestest favorite person – thank you for keeping Tim sane during my many hours under the knife. Thanks for letting him become the guy in the insurance commercial that turns into his parents and goes to talk to the fish guy because he’s nervous.

Thanks to my touchstones for calling, checking in, texting and sending me cards, flowers and simply your love. Thank you to my coworkers, for my Slack Channel, you are the most amazing and lovely friends. Thank you to my Company – for letting me have this time off and caring about me – and giving me a place to return too.

I’m past this. I’m moving on from Larry. Once we get the final report – he’ll be dead to me forever.

I’m ready to go back to my life. I’m ready to make changes to become a healthier me. I’m ready to walk my dogs again (and push Mimi Kitty in her buggy). I’m ready to onboard 100 new employees at work. I’m ready to purge myself and our house of all the extra things we have – because I realize now – the only important things are Tim, Me, the dogs & cats. I’ve even realized that I can let go of over 250 Kate Spade bags. I’m keeping 50 though – I need to change out with seasons and outfits.

I’m grateful for my life and everything that comes with it.

I told you, I have a LOT of graduations, weddings and 4th generation stuff to be a part of. My littles still need their Grauntie Karen and I plan on being there.

<insert grateful hugs and thanks>

P.S. My brilliant friend Dawn came up with the title.